Back in my Protestant days I had a wonderful pastor who taught me many things, but 2 have really stuck with me and brought me closer to God.
1. You have two choices. You can do it God's way now or you can do it God's way later.
2. When you are not going the right way, God will smack you upside the head with it and tell you to get back on track.
Today was a #2 day. I used to be a "fun mom". I was the mom that would just drop everything to go and have fun. Impromtu field trips, uninhibited giggle fests...life with me was always fun. The work got done, but the fun was always part of it.
For the past year life has not been very fun. Life has been an endless run of doctor's appointments, tension, and crazy juggling of entirely too much stress. Money's been tight and burden has been overwhelming. Somewhere in there I forgot the fun. I've been so worried about everything that I haven't just gone and done something full of joy in months. That's not me. That's not the Mom I want my kids to remember.
Soon we will be leaving on a work trip that will take us 3 days to reach. I will find a way to put in fun. I will stop begin a grumpy mom who is consumed with all the "have to do"s and none of the "want to do"s. I will stop breaking promises I never intended to break. I will be the mom I had instead of the mom I am becoming.
God is calling me on my current condition. It's no wonder that I don't know who I am anymore - any remnants of who I was have been eroded over the past year. My children deserve to have the best life with me I can give them - and that includes spontaneity and sparks of life as well as love.